As Fifty Shades of Gray gets ready to hit
theaters, many in the BDSM community are outraged. BDSM is a variety of erotic actions which are
often characterized by bondage/discipline, domination/submissive,
sadism/masochism. These practices are
often fulfilled through roleplay, restraint and other partner
interactions. The community itself
actually subsists through a larger variety of erotic actions which are usually
seen as “counter culture.” The interesting
part about BDSM is while it explores the darker and more deviant side of our
sexuality, it also has extremely strict rules and guidelines; which lead me
back to the Fifty Shades of Gray outrage.
The community of BDSM finds that sexual acts are a supreme form of
passion and sexual freedom, but many see the book series as counter to their
cause. Researchers
at Ohio State University have even argued that the relationship between the two
main characters is indeed not BDSM, but actually partner abuse. So it begs the question, should publishers
warn readers about the pitfalls of romanticizing fiction?
While I
have not read the book series myself, I have noticed that this trend of
romanticizing abusive relationships before when Twilight first came out. While Twilight
is supposed to be an innocuous, teen melodrama about eternal love, many felt
that the book misrepresented a healthy relationship. Psychology
Today wrote an article
about the abusive tendencies and characteristics of the two main characters in
Twilight. A lot of people feel that
Twilight gives young girls the wrong impression about what love is and what a
healthy relationship is, which will in turn lead to them gravitating towards
abusive relationships. I have to agree,
from what I have read and seen, there is something very stalker/relationship
hostage going on in the series.
We can see in today’s romances
there is a severe dissolution from the “princess relationship” we were all once
raised on. Many women in their twenties
and thirties were raised on the “Disney Princess” concept; we would all find
our princes and live happily ever after.
Except, princes have castles and riches beyond all else, and that is not
how the real world works. Yet, with the
climbing divorce rate, we can see how these stories we were raised on really colored
our perceptions.
By no
means am I bashing either book/movie. We
have a right to read, watch, and write whatever we like. I have even enjoyed some of Anne Rampling’s
stories and picked up a few “trashy” romance novels before. However, the key is to remember they are
fiction. But in a world of low
self-esteem, it is very easy for a girl to be entranced by the idea of being
Bella or Anastasia. After all, who would
not want complete and utter attention of a male, especially when they wield
power of money and immortality? We are
all capable of being sucked in to these fictional worlds. So it begs the question, should there be some
sort of caveat? What I really mean to
say is, that in a world of fiction, not true stories, do publishers and the
authors need to be held accountable for the ideas that they set forth? Whether it is a caveat lector (let the reader
beware) or links to get help, young women need to know abuse is not okay.
“The ideas set forth in Fifty
Shades of Gray are wholly a work of fiction and fantasy. We understand that this work may be seen as
misconstruing to the BDSM community and it is not our intent to undermine
them. We understand that the community
feels strongly about their process, and wants everyone to feel safe in their
practices. If you are interested in these communities the links provided can be
valuable resources in enjoying BDSM or other sexual practices.”
Of
course, valuable links would follow the statement. The thought originally crossed my mind with
an old copy of The DaVinci Code and
the game Assassin’s Creed. Both are
works of fiction based on the real events and things around the world. They both take fiction and mix it with
reality to the point that people forget that it is not real. Yet both had simple forewords reminding
people that they were works of fiction which were based on some realistic
information; however, they should not be taken to heart. It was simple and clean, but it was an honest
reminder. Sometimes we take things to
heart.
In the
end, the book industry may never feel the need for such caveats. There is a certain expectation that the
reader will not fall into the trap that the main characters do. However, relationship abuse is very real and
is not BDSM. If you are interested in
BDSM there is a site called
BDSM for dummies; it is a great way to arm yourself with the proper knowledge
of erotic interactions. That being said,
if you would like to know more about abusive relationships or think you may be
in one please check out the National Domestic Violence Hotline
or Help Guide. In the end, be smart when you read and
realize that there are no relationships like Bella’s or Anastasia’s in the real
world. They are fictions and should be
treated as such. Caveat Lector.